YVALIKS

Have you heard of the Soft Life Movement?

Soft life is define by a life characterised by ease, peace, support and comfort. Many equate it with material luxury and others with intentional happiness. It’s all about minimising stress and opting for constant form of self care. In a way, all these are not new. I sometimes feels that we are all recycled old movement into new names. But the principles stay the same. Human life has always been pushing towards making life easier, whether it is through technology and lifestyle changes.

The sentence has been around the internet recently. A lot of people were forced into a temporary rest during the pandemic due to the lockdowns and we welcome a state of slowness that we never had before. On top of that for many women, we were tired with the boss girl era of the 2010s and as we were all juggling different aspects of our life, many were looking for a less packed schedule. We all got tired of being busy. With the pandemic many of us reconsidered what our life was supposed to look like and what our priorities should be like. The pandemic hit when many people were overworked and burnout.

Truly we all needed ‘softer life’.

One aspect of it that I really want to touch on is the support aspect. I am an African first daughter. What I mean is that I was a second mother to my siblings and a co-chair of running the house, with my mother. I always felt responsible for the house and helped a lot. On top of that, when my parents realised that I was a naturally bright child , they decide that I could do most thing of my own. So I became an independent child who then turned into a hyper-independent adult. I always think of a particular day when I went food shopping with my mother. I was looking for a specific food, I started to walk aisle after aisle to figure out where it was. After 10 minutes, my mother looked and me and said ‘let’s ask a store assistant for help’. I still tried to look for it myself and my mother just asked someone and they directed her to the item. She asked me again: ‘Yveline why you felt like you could not ask for assistance’. Truly, I had no response.

It was hard for me to ask for help.

When I entered my thirties, I had the joy to join a  wonderful church in Newport, Wales. One thing that I discovered there was the true meaning of community. I saw there how people care for one another in a sincere manner. I was constantly offered support and I started to accept it. It was a real blessing in my life. I had people who genuinely assisted me in my personal life and even with practical things.

I realised there that I really need to make space for support in my life. I need to let people help me.

As I am getting older, I see more and more my humanity. I see more easily my limitations and my weakness.

When I was younger, I had that insolence and arrogance to think that I was ‘super strong’. Actually, I was encouraged to always see myself as a strong individual that is capable of everything doing . This is not all wrong, but I think I was not reminded that I was also human. I could not or should not do everything on my own.

I am not used to ask for help.

I am used to do things by myself.

I am used to figured stuff out by myself.

I was told I can do it by myself.

At least that is what I thought.

Hyper independency is really a symptom of pride and lack of trust.

The truth is support is essential.

I need help

I need others

I need support.

One of my greatest passion is for people to heal from the traumas they encountered in their life, and  allowing themselves to get to a place where they do not let past pain hinder their life. You cannot make it on your own and you do not have to.

(Image – Nicholle Kobi / via pinterest)