Recently, I found myself in a personal situation in which I was told I was ‘too old,’ and it really frustrated me. I felt angry and sad, but it also made me question if I was really too old.
I am going to turn 34 this year, and here is the trick: I do not look like someone who is 34. On most days, people think I am 22. When they hear me speak and how I express myself, they can give me 25. I frequently get ID to the point. I believe this is mostly due to my genes, as my mother has always looked young. When she turned 50, all my school friends called me a liar because she clearly looked like she was in her early 40s. I am also black, and consequently, the melanin keeps me wrinkles-free at the moment.
I personally do not see it. I do not know what age to give myself. But most importantly, I do not feel it. I do not understand how time has passed by. It feels like yesterday I was in my early twenties, and last week I was a ten-year-old jumping on my bed, wondering what the next episode of my favourite cartoon would be.
I believe that is mostly because of where I am in my life right now. For me, a 34-year-old woman, I will be married with one kid and maybe another one on the way. She will be working as an executive in a company. She will juggle career and family life while navigating mortgage payments, holiday bookings, school bake sales, and dignified brunches with women her age. Apologies for the stereotypes. However, this is not my reality.
I am not married. I do not even have a boyfriend. I have no children and do not have enough time to look after a pet. I rent my little flat, and the word mortgage” gives me chills. I do not own a car and still struggle to keep money in my savings account. Although I am an assistant manager in a prominent law firm, I am not really where I thought I would be at this age.
So my life feels more like a 25-year-old’s life.
I am responsible. I pay my bills on time and go to work. But I usually spend my time socialising with teenagers as a youth leader, binge-watching shows on Netflix, travelling, and thinking about which fashion item I am going to buy next. I try to be an adult in the best way I can, but I am not too sure if I am doing a good job of it. Well, I think I do. Since I am alive, I must be doing something right. Whereas others are getting married and posting baby announcements on Facebook, I am looking at memes and funny videos on social media.
I do ask people in their thirties how they feel about their age. They have the same answers as I do, especially those with children. They do not feel like accomplished adults, and it looks like no one is really sure whether they are handling situations well or know what they are doing. So in a sense, we are all in the same boat: quite unsure about this ‘we are getting older’ thing.
So maybe it is just the way it is, and age is really just a number, as they say. You are as old as you feel. Feel? I am not necessarily the ‘feeling’ type, but, indeed, life does not have to be dull as you get older and become more swamped by new or bigger responsibilities.
It is also not useful that our modern society gives us mixed messages about ageing. Apparently, you have to embrace ageing but also fight it.
The truth is, I believe I got better with age on so many levels (I know, humblebrag).
My body looks its best, and my metabolism is still very fast. Since I went back to my natural hair texture, I have been appreciating the way my hair looks. My skin has finally cleared up, and don’t get me started on the confidence level, Hallelujah. I am so much more comfortable with myself. In my twenties, I tried to figure out who I was; in my thirties, I am finally settling into who I am. So many things I used to worry about in my twenties no longer bother me.
Can we really use our age as an excuse not to continue to enjoy life, to believe, to create? There are so many examples of people who have reached success and accomplished amazing things in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond. Life is what you make it to be, at the end of the day.
So, although my body will slow down and my energy levels will decrease at some point, I will not use my age as an excuse not to enjoy my life. I will not have a crisis about getting older. I refuse.
Life doesn’t stop as you age. The fun doesn’t stop at 29.
It is just a different chapter, with different challenges, opportunities, and difficulties.
Life is short, and getting older is a privilege denied to many. As long as God woke you up this morning, you still have purpose.
Make your life an adventure, not a chore.
